u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
God: Gabe, stop, I’m working. Gabriel: I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING TOOOOOOO! God: Here’s a box of parts, go nuts. God: -several hours later- Gabe? Where are you, my son? Gabriel: DAD, LOOKIT! God: Dafuq is that? Gabriel: A PLATYPUS!
“Remus Dobby Potter, you were named after the two people who actually gave a shit about my well being. One of them was a house elf and I’d much rather see you become that than a fucking Slytherin. Don’t come back unless you’re wearing red and gold you little shit.”
i was arguing with my (antigay) dad about gay rights and at the end i was like “i totally crushed u tbh i countered every argument you had” and he was like “but did you change my viewpoint tho” and i was like “i can lead a horse to water but i cant make it stare its reflection in the face and realize its an ass”
dude it’s so weird how when you’re a kid, socks were like the worst thing you could get on christmas but now it’s like hell yeah please give me some socks i own like two and a half pairs my feet are so cold
If you don’t like pope Francis look at your choices. I mean this man is not judging homosexual people and he said that being an atheist is alright as long as you do good. If you still don’t like him look at this gif:
also he agreed to this:
I’m glad that last pope resigned and let this guy become pope. Good pope.